A perspective from a dolphin that would’ve got caught in the net.

(The words and opinions of this blog are that of the author & her experiences. This is not professional advice, & should not be used in lieu of that.)

The growing awareness, conversation, and now this first wave of government policies surrounding kids and social media is a central topic at the moment - not central enough, but there is so many events happening in this era that really none are getting the true recognition they deserve. This blog is a continuation of previous blogs about present youth experience, the internet, and social media as I don’t feel that one perspective and one conversation is enough. There is so many additional contexts, and so much nuance in this conversation.

So why is a dolphin giving a perspective?

The dolphin is me - I’m not literally a dolphin (I’m sure that’s obvious), but it comes off the back of a conversation I had with someone I enjoy to discourse with. We come from two very different walks of life and talk of topical events, offering different perspectives to each others opinions and thoughts. The conversation of the social media ban came up a couple of months back and we had a lot of factors that we were alined on and some that we were not. One thing I challenged was the notion of the blanket ban being a good thing, “What about the kids whose lives away from their friends is torture, and any thread keeping them connected to their peers is a life line?” I asked. “To save the many, usually means a few dolphins get caught in the net.” was answered.

While the intention was that we will never, ever, get it right for everyone and that there are kids dying now from access to social media, this sentence sat heavy within me. That question from the previous paragraph that I had asked, was from personal experience. It took me a moment, but when it hit me it did like a tonne of bricks Loony Tunes style. I would be a dolphin in the net of todays decision, and that’s terrifying.

Is social media all evil?

It’s important to acknowledge social media has changed too, the platforms that were my after school hours saviours were MSN messenger and MySpace. While we mustn’t become deluded that they were ‘safer’, there wasn’t abundant versions with different features such as disappearing messages and encouraged anonymity. Sure, we were still curating an online persona of our ‘ideal selves’, but that all consuming algorithm didn’t have presence and hold like it does today.

There are mountains of research papers on the impact of social media. Regardless of age, there is a correlation between social media use and affected mental health. The public seems to predominately situate influencers are as vapid, empty shells of humans, and an embarrassing career. It’s so much bad. Yet, most of us are on some form of social platform. Why?

I acknowledge that I have my career thanks to social media. I’m not an influencer by any standard, and consistent in my inconsistency online. But I posted about my books at that right lucky time and that sparked a lateral sharing among a beautiful community. Speaking of community, I have made connections with like minded friends who I probably would have never met in real life if it wasn’t for social media. It still lets me stay connected now, with my health being delicate (in the way that a bomb is delicate) the ability to connect for work or leisure fluctuates on the daily.

In fact, a lot of us have to thank social media for our careers in some aspect. It might not be as directly as me, maybe through a bit more of a weak-tie such as networking in a comment thread, following company or industry leaders, lateral information sharing.

Is banning the answer? Or balance? But how do we create balance when us adults don’t have balance ourselves?

So, is canning social media for kids the answer?

Whew. Thats a complex question that usually gets either an emotional or politicised answer. I have read Jonathons Haidt’s book ‘The Anxious Generation’ and what I do like about it is how he peels open what we all acknowledge but rarely talk about - that childhood has changed. Parenting has changed. Play has changed. Being a kid has changed. Life has changed.

When I was a child, a two parent full-time income family was not out of the ordinary, but it wasn’t the commonplace it is today. And we cannot do the ‘well, when I was a kid we existed fine without social media…’ because when we were kids, times were different, we were not children whose childhood experienced a pandemic, in this climate, with these parents, and the impacts of our environments. Knowing our neighbours was more common, time to just sit and enjoy being home was more common. Community sat different.

Todays abundance of choice for our interests gives us a chance to connect with community and activities that aligns most with us, but does it also have the effect of diluting local community as we’re all off in our own many niches, maybe disengagement from choice overwhelm, or alternatively trying to engage in ALL the activities you love and not being able to deeply immerse your presence anywhere.

The cost of living wasn’t devastating to the point the middle class was dying like it is today. We are all run off our feet, post COVID health decline, working harder and feeling more financially constrained than ever - and that’s just the surface. Whether its a cause or correlation of having our lives connected online, the reality is todays circumstances needs that online presence in some form or way.

So banned until 16… then what?

The loudest voices are shouting children should have no access to social media, but where does child end and adolescence begin? And when does adolescence end? Not by numbers that governments put forward - we just need to look to other countries or even other states to see ages that permissions given at certain ages fluctuate in multiple aspects. Children is a hard line to draw, and as an adolescent the title of being older than a child is taken away as quickly as its given, depending the point others are trying to make about you or for you.

At present the policy is no body under 13 years old in Australia should have a social media account (which we know is not being abided by) and in a couple of days it’s raising to the age of 16, with the legal responsibility falling on social media companies rather than the parents and children. Then at 16 the whole social internet opens back up to you. What determines that age? Sixteen is on average Grade 10 / Grade 11 an age that bullying is rife, the pressure to fit in, hormonal changes, new experiences, and mistakes - so many mistakes. Is this the age that it should all be dropped in their laps?

Please don’t jump to the conclusion I’m saying later but I would love to highlight that for many other things, responsibility builds up. For example, we take our written exam to get our L’s, then a driving test gets us our red P’s, which then becomes green P’s if we have no traffic infringements, then our open licence after a period of time more. We have to show competency and trust to access the next stage, and access more responsibility - such as cars with more engine power.

What then?

I don’t know. In fact I think as adults we need to stop pretending that we do know best and that we know it all. There is so much nuance. I think a lot more conversations need to be had, and that kids need to be involved. We don’t know what its like to be a kids anymore, it’s too different.

What I do believe, is that youth (again where does that line draw) should not have outwards facing social media accounts as it promotes external validation, exposure to predatory behaviour, and other things… I just don’t know if a complete blanket ban (that kids will find ways around meaning it will be harder to monitor). And we have to think of the side effects of this.

To have a social media account, how do we verify that we are not under the age of 16? With a Government issued ID? LinkedIn is already doing that to verify your account (not to delete for under age, but for ‘more exposure’, ‘more reach’). Do we want that? Uploading identifying documents to apps that are regularly hacked???

The biggest part is that we are so emotively led on this topic, all of us. These heightened emotions are from care, love, protection and fear. These big emotions seep into our conversations and heighten our reactions, polarising our opinions and dividing us all. That passion is important, but so are the conversations and we need to hold space for each other, our babies (whether they are literal babies, or teenagers who are babies in our eyes), and ourselves. And not just converse, but listen too.

Or maybe we need to go back to the old hot pink Motorola RAZR flip phone from the early 2000’s.

I don’t know what that would do to benefit, but it’s all I wanted as a teenager and finances (well really lack there of) prevented that life dream from happening.

But, it’s not all doom, gloom, and misery though. I did buy a second hand flip phone from a friend where you could rotate the camera from front to back and I thought that was pretty cool.