Back to school… ALREADY?
(The words and opinions of this blog are that of the author and her experiences. This is not professional advice, and should not be used in lieu of that. )
Does anyone else remember back to when we were kids and the end of year holidays went F.O.R.E.V.E.R. ? Now they’re they’re over in a blink of an eye and moreso, our kids are feeling like it goes by super fast too! I can’t think of a time as an adult where I have heard a child say ‘holidays are sooooo looooong’ (doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, but it just doesn’t seem to be a thing anymore). Is this a byproduct of our ‘modern digital age’, where life is so busy that we don’t have ‘slow time’ anymore and are just so consumed by EVERYTHING that we never watch paint dry or grass grow? I’d love to hear your thoughts on that, genuinely.
Regardless, end of year holidays in Australia have now come to a close and we’re all back to school, to a new grade, new teacher (most likely), new classroom, and new experiences. A lot of prep work (by us parents and carers, as well as allied health supports and teachers) go into this return, and I’d love to share our household strategies and perspectives to this time of year. I write this as noticing things that have lessened negative impact and/or fears as well as things that have been counterintuitive to a good school experience - so it’s here if you’re looking for ideas, in no way am I saying it’s the perfect way or the right way - just our way and my observations.
School needs to mirror home.
When we build our back to school pack, we ensure that our kids have access to everything that they need and use at home regulation wise. This to me is critical, if you have found strategies and tools that work - sending them to an unfamiliar environment without them is like being at sea in a boat with no engine. Every child’s back to school pack will look different, due to their different needs.
For us, the main tools I send to school are wobble cushions, fidgets, sound reducing headphones (this is a big one to me), weighted supports, chew items (I have a chewer), reminders to interoceptively check in on themselves, communication supports, and a cheat sheet (social story) for the teacher to know all about my 2 little starry profiles (don’t know what starry profile means? Check this blog out here). This are all things to help support my girls maintain a regulated state themselves, as dysregulated kids cannot learn.
Set our kids up for success.
Sending all these tools and strategies to school is one thing, but ensuring they’re understood and being used is another. Short explanations or introductions to the teacher and administration team can do wonders - not just what they are but also why they’re impactful.
If you have allied health provider support, get them to connect with the school - even if they aren’t attending to provide services there. This is a great opportunity to have your child’s supports and tools explained from a professional stance, further validating the accommodation requests, and have the school feel supported from an additional avenue of knowledge.
Creating a social story or a ‘cheat sheet’ about our littles for their educators can remove so much trial and error. You can make up your own (I’m a big believer that children should be present and a major contributor) and if you need a bit of guidance, I have my blog about social stories here or you can get my ‘Hi, This is Me’ Social Journal to support you.
Allow some authentic personality.
The times and places to express personality expression varies from school to school, and while I’m one to advocate for individuality, I am also one to support school uniforms. As a child who did not have an ample wardrobe let alone all the latest brand names, wearing my own clothing to schools would have had me singled out even more - I would have been like a character in a 90’s cartoon who wears the same outfit every episode - and not in an iconic way.
Where do we let personality shine? In places that aren’t going to create negative experiences with your school. If your child is going to be called to the office, and as a result you being called (and the uniform policy is accessible via their resources), all that is going to do is plant seeds of resentment which is not going to help anyone.
I let my girls choose their haircuts at the hairdressers, keeping in mind that I will be able to abide by the hair guidelines the school has laid out. This is for so many reasons and as someone with curly hair who had head lice once back in early primary, the pain of that comb NEVER leaves you. It’s not worth it.
Shoes are one thing that isn’t strict, strict at my girls school. Clearly there’s check boxes, secure and provide adequate protection which is logical to me (understanding that I am not referring to individuals who may have differences and/or aversions where customary agreements with school administration needs to be negotiated). I let them choose their shoes and their personality comes through there loud and clear and most importantly, they’re excited and they’re proud. How cute are their choices for this year - their personalities are SO CLEAR in their choices (the blog title image). Some schools have specific shoes in their uniform policies but if you’re choosing that school, then you’re agreeing to those policies - fruitless fights make for frustrated results. Pick your battles, and find personality spaces elsewhere.
Pencil cases, bag charms, stickers on books / laptops / ipads (great to help identify ownership too) may be the only place to express for kids to express themselves, and just remind that after hours and weekends they get to be all that is them. Their uniform doesn’t completely define them.
I understand during teenage years, we transition from children who are more inclined to follow guidance and leadership from the authoritative figures around us to striving for autonomy and proving that ‘we’re just not little kids anymore’. We want to show that we aren’t like everyone else, inside and out. In no way is the following a recommendation - but an example of compensation. All I wanted in high school was coloured hair - but it was a hard no policy and I was terrified of being in trouble. That want for individuality surpassed want and became a need, so I would self dye a streak under my hair that when styles into a plait or low bun could not be seen. It was enough until I finished high school then dyed my fringe and side of my hair a sunset fade of red, orange and pink.
Explain consistencies AND variables.
This continues on from my previous blog, Grieving Through Term 4. Things are going to be different, teaching style, curriculum focus, classmates… and so on. But a lot stays the same. Start and finish times, lunch breaks, school values and culture… a great way to remind that it’s not all going to be different (for those returning to the same school) is a weekend play on the playground. You might even find some other classmates doing the same thing.
Remind consistencies while validating and preparing (through conversation and/or physical supports) change. A lot of schools give opportunity and invitation for kids to come and see the classrooms before term begins to familarise themselves with their new space.
Be in favour of your child’s environment.
New year, new teacher (most likely), new environment, a new 3 way relationship is forming between you (parents / carers), the child, and the educator/s. You get to know your new teacher through your child’s eyes as a secondary relationship as they get to know each other in a primary one.
Every single person in this world is unique, with their own perspectives, experience and values, which for the most part is a good thing. Where I am leading to is that there will come differences and the side your told by your child will give a singular biased view - both the good and the bad. Before my words get twisted - I am NOT saying kids are liars! Remember that our kids are babies in the grand scheme of things (even our teens), their amazing brains are going through BIG work, hormone changes, neuron connections forming and cleaving. These not yet adults are still developing understanding of society and its complexities, who also sometimes miss critical details of what was happening simultaneously around or before the ‘event’.
So then am I promoting forced placidity? Absolutely not. What I am trying to say is that immediately venting out loud to our children and pitting them against their school, teacher, and/or the administration staff is not going to create a receptive environment for any party. What we tell our kids is one thing, but what they observe in how we act and react is monumentally more impactful.
Be receptive to this new environment.
New environment, new experiences (good and bad), new triggers, new behaviours. Behaviours of all kinds may happen at school that you could never envision happening in your presence. My daughter got on stage in front of her peers at school and sang for a talent show, but I couldn’t get her up on stage at a karioke with 20 other kids in a country where she knew nobody no matter how much I amped her up - even though she wanted to as well. If new behaviours are shared with you by the teacher, some of them may be impossible to believe, remember that all behaviour is a form of communication environmental impact is a big factor. Work together to find out the environmental input and impact that lead to those actions and work on plans to minimise those impacts in the future which supports the behaviour change.
For my neurodivergent families, you may find sometimes that some forms of communication can be quite emotionally triggering, I’ve felt that on some friendships breakdowns that happened in the past. There’s nothing more terrifying imagining our kids experiencing any of the grievances we experienced at school ourselves as a child so our natural instinct can be protective and intense. If the situation permits and it will be conductive for you, take a breath and a moment before you respond have support around you, even just emotionally to vent to.
Our kids are forever developing, what may have been successful strategies and tools may become redundant, new strategies come forward as being best fit, sometimes old strategies that lost their effectiveness return. For me, I never unleash everything in my bag of tricks (supports, tools, and strategies) as too much can be just as overwhelming as not enough. Don’t forget to revisit old strategies if you’re running out of ideas.
Finally…
I really just wanted to reiterate that the perspective I give in my blog, is that of my own experiences and perspectives. I am completely aware that other situations exist and that these words do not apply in those cases, very few things can be applied in a blanket statement. If there was anything you can pull from this musing that positively impacts how you and your child’s school year goes then that makes me happy to help.
May the 2025 school year go as smooth as possible for you and your family.
