Children’s books are put under so much pressure.
(The words and opinions of this blog are that of the author and her experiences. This is not professional advice, and should not be used in lieu of that. )This is a conversation that I have been wanting to have with everyone for awhile now, I believe myself to be an observational person - seeing people’s word choices and reviews to not only mine, but in fact other books. Children’s books have a lot of pressure put on them, and sometimes it is an unreasonable amount.
If they’re trying to me funny, then the comedy needs to sit on the level of the ideal reader BUT not in a way that will upset adults (which has a HIGH variation and take a moment to reflect how vastly different young and mature humour is), they need to catch the adults attention even though they are not the target audience in order for the child to access the book, the need to indirectly develop the child’s language skills, entertain the child, educate the child, or all the above and more.
What is the purpose of a children’s book?
Firstly from a kids point of view, picture books are there to entertain. Secondly (and importantly) from the adults position, to introduce language and literacy to the next generation. Kids LOVE picture books and love being read to. Which is great, because reading to kids is essential. Kids benefit immensely on a social, emotional, and developmental level from being read to.
I remember reading somewhere that the most popular and successful children’s books (pending what they were measuring as success or popularity) have no purpose or message at all and are ‘just a story’. Which is in no way denouncing ANY BOOK that isn’t trying to revolutionise society or challenge mindsets - as to me, every book is so important - especially the ones that entertain and ask to be read again and AGAIN. Sometimes, we’re just wanting to enjoy a book and not learn a lesson. The favourite in our house? ‘Piranhas Don’t Eat Bananas’ by Aaron Blabey which is just pure comedy for us.
But then there are other books that have been written with a deeper purpose. Books like mine, and many others I love. Books that let the child know they are seen and noticed and loved, exactly as they are. Books that promote skill development, education, self love, empathy, and align moral compasses. Sometimes, they cover topics that are too hard to talk about, or adults cannot always find the right words to say, which makes me think of this quote by Madeleine L'Engle:
“You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children.”
A lot of the time these books that have an underlying message are the author’s soul stories, told There is no book that is more important than others, but more-so what is needed at the time.
I like call my books ‘conversation openers’
Are my books the perfect book? No, not for everyone. It’s a book I wrote because I couldn’t find it existing, drawn from my feelings and experience, but there are a lot of books exploring neurodiversity as a concept, specific identities, and / or specific traits. I wrote my books from my perspective (a very specific reason why my book titles begin with the word ‘MY’), and as a result that all the things I thought.
My goal in my books is to highlight a trait and describe it from a neutral stance, not being deficit focused or othering. I want it to be a story that is self reflective with no ‘you, you, you’.
I do not describe any external supports / therapies, I give a first level understanding and (hopefully) empowerment to the reader, with actions that can do themselves any time and any where. The intention is that the child who reads or is read this book, recognises themselves within the pages, which then opens a conversation opportunity with an adult where they can gain a better understanding of self, recognise some strategies to support themselves (if needed), reflect on the external supports around them, or from teh other perspective the reader/listener can better understand / support someone in their life.
But intentions (even the best ones) doesn’t always correlate to impact, and while some people do resonate with my books (I am elated, humbled, grateful and feel less alone), others do not and thats ok too. When we buy books from categories like what mine sit under, we are chasing a specific message and a bridge of connection.
Which sounds like A LOT of pressure… and trust me, it is.
A concept seamlessly delivered in 25 - 35 pages, with minimal word count? Not only that, the imagery needs to be descriptive tell the rest of the story the words could not fit in but also be connecting, eye catching, and age appropriate. But then the concept is one that some adults are still getting their head around, that is still growing and evolving everyday, that has a lot of hurt people from misidentification, ableism, rejection, etc.
Rarely is a picture book going to seamlessly deliver this information, but you know what they can do? Open that conversation, be the starter to the clear and concise message YOU want to tell.
Hurt people hurt people.
As I mentioned before, some communities have a lot of hurt. Looking to the neurodivergent community - particularly with the current people that have access to and are posting on social media, a lot of us were misdiagnosed or overlooked as a child and / or receiving a late stage identification. Sometimes there can be a sense of grief or mourning over what could have been, resentment on how you were treated as and referred to instead, and a deep desire to be at the very least understood.
Then theres the parents of neurodivergent children out there doing the work, advocating for their kids for support and easier to navigate environments - which can have good or fruitless outcomes, theres no consistency. To have your child (or yourself) being identified as neurodivergent but then still being expected to uphold neuronormative expectations is a frustration (and sadly a common experience) I cannot put into words.
Hurt people hurt people, it’s a saying that makes so much sense as I’m sure we can all reflect back to a time where we have lashed out with sharp words or actions on feeling. Am I saying that all people who are hurt, hurt others in turn? I don’t think so and I’d like to think not. Am I excusing peoples actions and words because they are hurt? Absolutely not, take it as an explanation NOT an excuse.
Addressing reviews.
Firstly, the one thing you are told repeatedly in any author support forum - DO NOT RESPOND TO NEGATIVE REVIEWS. Everyone has and is entitled to their opinion. Something I specifically avoid totally is my book’s review sections. I experience RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) BIG time so unfortunately I miss some really special kind words. Fortunately, some people take it upon themselves to write to me directly via their preferred platform and it means the world to me for them to use their time to do so (as the time the public reviewers take to write, who my partner will check on every now and then and share with me safely).
I’ve was told I am ‘demonising medication’ because I do not have it in my books. I actually don’t have any external supports listed in my books. I take medication myself for my ADHD. I think it is a fantastic support for compatible people, I don’t see it is not a magic pill or a solution but a support. When used in conjunction with other supports, it can be a game changer.
I’ve been told I labour over points, and also that I breeze over things, in the same review. This tells me there is such a specific want for certain books to be available, that aren’t yet. So if you ever want to write a book to put it out in the world and someone says ‘there’s already so many books like that’, just know that there is always room for more.
That I don’t understand what it’s like and just jumped on a bandwagon. This one hurt, a lot. These books are soul story that I began writing for my daughters and not to share with the world I felt so confused and misunderstood. It brought up ALL the feelings of ostracisation from my teen years. I actually wanted to delete my books from existence and somehow work out a way to break into every persons house that has ever bought a book, steal it, then have the worlds biggest bonfire (don’t worry, I have moved through that RSD and will not break into your house, I promise). RSD is terrifying as I was going to literally delete every existence INCLUDING my original art files - fortunately my partner confiscated phone, laptop, and computer and sent me to bed where I sobbed uncontrollably till I fell asleep. If he wasn’t there, I have no idea what I would have done - RSD is more than shutting off / protecting self / burning bridges. I feel RSD is a flight response, but with no sense of self preservation - escaping the emotion by ANY means necessary.
One review that hurt me the most? It wasn’t even for my books! It was a book a mother had written for her daughter about infantile seizures. There’s no happy story when it comes to this form of epilepsy, the statistics and hashtags are harrowing. This woman in her review coined the book ‘dangerous’ because it tells the story of a ‘best case scenario’, which is a rarity. I’m not giving this review the justice of how scathing it was, it was cruel to the point I had anxiety reading it. To see someone who knows the pain personally to be so unkind absolutely mortified me. Going back to ‘hurt people hurt people’, I assume this woman has and/or is experiencing a lot of hurt in her life but I am bewildered in what she wanted. A book that spoke of mortality? That they most likely won’t make it? That if they do, there’s lasting effects? She spoke if this book was written for her to learn about epilepsy and what to expect from her child’s future, but the book was not made for her - it was made to open the conversation between her and her child. This review has so much free rent in my head, it’s ridiculous.
So please, when a book doesn’t align with you, know that it’s ok. Understandably there are texts out there that are damaging and dangerous, and should be held accountable but not what you wanted and dangerous are two different categories. Please recognise there are limited word counts and choices and that when it comes to children’s books, you are not the ideal audience but the vessel to deliver to the ideal audience. The authors and illustrators behind the books are real life humans, are creatives, and creatives often have the most beautifully delicate souls. Sharing creativity with the world is scary so think for a moment before you write your reviews, as creative fire is hard to get burning bright enough for others to notice, and so easy to snuff out within the heart.
